Don’t Recline on Airplanes, You Asshole (Unless You Know it’s Cool)

When you’re on a commercial flight and you want to recline, look behind you first. It takes five seconds, does no harm, and could save you and another person some problems.

As I write this, some clown who can. Not. Get. Enough of bouncing around in his chair decided to recline and just about crush my laptop screen.

See, my 10.1-inch screen, small though it is, just barely fits on these little tray tables. The space is cramped as it always is in coach, but it’s nice to be able to write small bits at a time. Or so I thought.

Ka-fucking-slam! Guy decides to recline with no warning, and he’s dropping that seat like it’s hawt, dropping it like it’s hawt, like it’s HAWT. This wedges my screen at a funny angle, now crushing it downward creating a tray vs. monitor battle, and I’d rather not see who wins.

Luckily, I somehow spider sensed this before it could get really bad and yanked my computer out of danger.

“Hey Fuckhead,” I kindly informed him, “You just about crushed my computer.”

He just gave a wave and a nod like he knew but couldn’t give less of a shit. This is probably true. Still.

I showed him the computer and said that I’m working back here — in the space that I’m entitled to — and he just about broke a piece of my property while simultaneously invading my space.

I just got that same wave and nod. What an asshole.

My last laptop got damaged this same way, when some guy kept kicking his damn feet backward under his seat, where my laptop was, according to flight rules, stowed in my carry on and under the seat in front of me. He was probably a black belt in Kick Your Shit-Do, because two shots was all it took to bust the hinge that opens the screen. Awesome.

So don’t recline on airplanes, if there’s someone behind you. It’s rude. Yeah, I know a lot of people do it, but a lot of people do things that are rude. This is one of them.

And I’m proud to say I practice what I preach here. Not once have I ever reclined on an airplane, unless I’ve confirmed that the seat behind me is empty or the person is asleep. If there’s a person back there with open eyes, don’t fucking recline unless you ask that person if it’s cool.

Also don’t begin conversations with “Hey Fuckhead,” if you wanna get anywhere.